Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Come on in and take your pants off
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