I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
COCAINE IS GR8
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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