he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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