Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
