gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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