Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
