Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
