My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
