Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
