Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
