so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
