I'm so fucking centered right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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