today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize