I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
