you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
