I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
