): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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