So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
