Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
