In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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