I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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