i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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