She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
