Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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