I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
