YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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