And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
