chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Your topless pictures make me question reality
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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