is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
