Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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