My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
