Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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