So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
