God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
