my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
