cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
