when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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