ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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