Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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