When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
