No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
