Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
