So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
