i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
