Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.

Fav 1 1194 1557
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(804): View more from Virginia

And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively

Fav 15 5490 964
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(917): View more from New York City

well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

Fav 3 3355 1051
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(330): View more from Ohio

If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.

Fav 8 4166 1867
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(647): View more from Ontario

the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.

Fav 8 4729 1102
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(904): View more from Florida

Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.

Fav 4 828 2203
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.

Fav 10 1284 756
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.

Fav 1 39 26
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.

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