sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
