My sheets look like a crime scene.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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