guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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