Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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