He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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