he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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