I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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