yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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