we made out on top of his cat.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
