There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
