Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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