I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
