come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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