Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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