The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
