Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
