im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
