White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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