Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ugly people sure do ruin things
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
