i just identified you from a description of your pipe
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
