You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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